14: In celebration of Jesus.

Fourteen years. That’s how long I’ve been walking with Jesus.

It was a D-Now retreat at Acadian Baptist Center over the Mardi Gras break. Tuesday morning, sitting on a bench under a tree during morning devotional time, and I just said, “God, I want you to be real to me. I want you to be my best friend and my everything.” And for 14 years, he has been. Unfailingly.

I could write for days about what he’s done in me and for me. I could write for days about his grace through all the times I’ve failed him. But instead, I just want to share some things I love.

These songs:

• “Jesus Is” by 2nd Chapter of Acts
• “In Christ Alone” by Owl City
• “Oh My God” by David Crowder Band

This picture:

These words:

“But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.” 1 Peter 2:9

“You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” Psalm 16:11

And this video (which I usually save for Easter, but is just too good to leave out):

I wish I could describe him to you…he’s indescribable. He’s incomprehensible. He’s invincible. He’s irresistible.

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All the best things of the past 14 years of my life have been because of Jesus. And I can’t wait to see where he’ll take me in the next 14 or 40 or however long it is until I see his sweet face.

(And on that note, I have to share just one more song…“Come Away” by Jesus Culture.)

I think God hid my keys from me.

Today, I experienced a little microcosm of what God sometimes does in my life.

I had a meeting at 7:30. Wanted to get dinner on the way, so needed to leave my house at 6:45 on the dot. It’s 6:42; I’ve got on my coat and scarf and gloves. Can’t find my keys. Look everywhere. Upstairs, downstairs, empty the bag, check the bathroom (why would they be in the bathroom???), under the bed….no luck. Hollie got home just time to give me the spare. I’d miss dinner, and I’d have to walk quickly, which wouldn’t be easy because of two very sore quads. Flustered and stressed and hungry, I finally got outside. And it was snowing. And it was perfect. If I’d tried, I wouldn’t have been able to stop myself smiling. The stress, the annoyance… gone within the minute.

Later, because I missed dinner, I called into Sainsbury’s to find sustenance. Teacakes and grapes. After a walk through the snow, complete with snowball fight, I toasted a teacake, washed the grapes, and enjoyed my little supper far more than the Subway sandwich I would’ve had if I didn’t lose my keys (keys which I found stuck to the bottom of my laptop within about 3 minutes of getting into my room).

I think God hid my keys from me.

He hid them so I could experience, first hand, the magical stress-relieving power of falling snow. He hid them so I wouldn’t eat Subway, so I’d eat something better.

I’d like to update the blog soon about my last 3+ months or so, but that’s sort of the gist of it:  God orchestrating things, me being stressed about it, and then coming to realise that, actually, it’s best when he’s in control.

Anti-Slavery Day.

It’s the 18th of October. That means it’s Anti-Slavery Day!!!

In honor of the day, I want to challenge each and every one of you reading this to think hard about what YOU – yes, YOU – can do to help bring an end to slavery. (Basically, I think a major next step in ending slavery is about ending poverty and raising people’s quality of life. [You can read about that in more detail in the conclusion to my dissertation, which is here.] This broadens the spectrum of what you can do to help, so don’t think you don’t have a role to play!)

• Wilberforce  was a politician.
• Wedgwood was a potter.
• Clarkson was headed for the ministry in the Anglican church.
• Morel was a clerk and a journalist.
• Garrison was a compositor.

The people on the outside, the people who weren’t and had never been slaves, who helped make a difference on behalf of freedom weren’t like me. They didn’t move to Hull to get degrees in the subject. They were people with real jobs who, when confronted with the horrors of slavery, made decisions to take action.

So wrack your brains, and tell me how you think you can be involved in fighting injustice around the world!

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You can also get involved by joining forces with one of the many great organizations already doing work. Here are some of my favorites:

Free the Slaves (I freely admit bias towards this one. You can read why here.)

Restore International

These Numbers Have Faces (I know the founder’s brother! He was a Rotary Scholar like me.)

Falling Whistles

Trafficking HOPE (Baton Rouge based!!)

Unseen UK

Anti Slavery International (The oldest in the business!)

Invisible Children

Love146 (You can read more about their founder here.)

Project AK47

International Justice Mission

Baptized.

Shout out to my girl, Na/Nomes/Naomi, who took pictures for me!

I’ve been walking with Jesus 14 years. Today, I got baptized. Here’s my story:

I grew up in a Christian home. My dad’s a pastor and has been my whole life. When I was 8, he did a gospel presentation for the kids’ group, and I “prayed the prayer” and asked Jesus into my heart. A bit later (on Valentine’s Day!) I was baptized. But I really struggled to understand what it really meant to have a personal relationship with the Lord. I also had these nagging doubts about whether or not I was really saved. I constantly wondered how a person could know for certain.

When I was 12, I went with my youth group on a D-NOW retreat over Mardi Gras break at ABC (Acadian Baptist Center, baby!!). During worship, I saw people, eyes closed, hands raised, just enjoying the presence of the Lord. On the last morning, during our quiet times, I just said, “God, I want what those people have. I want you to be real to me. I want you to be my best friend.” And in that moment he opened my eyes. That’s when I mark the beginning of my walk with the Lord.

I wasn’t baptized after that, and it always bothered me. I don’t believe that baptism is essential to salvation, but I do think it’s a really important statement of faith. I told myself a few years back that if there was an opportunity to get baptized at some point, I would. Several weeks ago, I heard that there were going to be baptisms at Vineyard,  and I just felt like I was meant to do it.

Got this little surprise when I came in!!

As I started thinking about it more, I thought of a few solid reasons to rationalize the feeling I had.

• First, I think it’s an important symbol. Like communion, it’s a statement of faith, a reminder to myself, and a public declaration of what’s happened inside.
• Second, I’m an adult now. I really understand what I’m doing and why. Plus, Jesus was 30 when he was baptized, and I think he makes a pretty good example. (Also, we were both dunked by dudes called JOHN!)
• Third, like I said, I don’t think that this is essential to being a Christian. But I do feel like it’s an important part of the faith tradition in which I was raised. We believe in Believer’s Baptism, and that’s something I wanted to honor.

Now that I’ve done it, I’m incredibly happy that I did! It was a bit nerve-wracking, but sharing what Jesus has done in my life with all of my wonderful church family here in Hull was SUCH a blessing! And they were, as always, so encouraging and so lovely and gave me lots of cheers and hugs and smiles.

Some of my sweet Vineyard family at the pub!

Dissertation.

This is the part where I’m supposed to say how sorry I am for not posting in a full 2 months, but the truth is I’m not. Not because I haven’t wanted to be a good blogger, but because I simply couldn’t. My dissertation took every bit of brain power I had, and every word I typed belonged to it (bar Facebook chatting, which was essential to my sanity).

Seriously, writing my dissertation was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I battled with every paragraph. But the day after it was done, I sat in Subway, and I thought, “I’m actually finished with my dissertation. And I wrote it on something I’m passionate about…something that I think really matters.” And I just felt like the luckiest girl in the world.

I want to share my conclusion here for a couple of reasons. First, many of you probably saw countless Tweets and status updates about it, and you might’ve gotten curious. (Not likely, but possible.) Second, like I said, I think it’s something that matters. It demands action, so I might as well put it out there, and this is the only platform I have. And third, I worked so hard on it, and I’m so proud of it, that I don’t want to just keep it to myself. For contextual purposes the title is Foundations of Freedom:  The potential for progress within the anti-slavery movement through the implementation of a human development perspective.

Conclusion

       The purpose of this dissertation has been to broaden the prospects of the current anti-slavery movement. Contemporary slavery is hallmarked by its varied manifestations around the world. It is a complex and difficult issue. Many – though not all – methods used against slavery have been reactionary. Because some of the primary causal factors of slavery can be identified, preventative measures to stop slavery from happening can be implemented. This will enable the anti-slavery movement to work ahead of those who would enslave the vulnerable, rather than only in reaction to them.

       In order to better and more effectively tackle the slavery problem, we must understand the roots of contemporary slavery. Vulnerability to slavery is caused by several factors, chiefly poverty and related conditions, including, but not limited to, lack of education and inadequate health care. These causal factors are already being addressed by actors within the development sector. If actors within the anti-slavery movement are going to take action to proactively reduce the number of slaves in the world in the coming years, then they must recognize that the impoverished people of the world need realistic, practical livelihood options that protect them from the vulnerability that exposes them to exploitation.

       Human development, specifically Amartya Sen’s Capabilities Approach, focuses on improving the real opportunities people have to lead free, stable lives. This approach to development does not only seek to achieve economic well being, but also aims for political freedoms, physical and emotional health, and educational opportunities for everyone. At the beginning of Chapter 2, I quoted Kevin Bales when he said this: “In the long term, wiping out slavery requires helping the world’s poor to gain greater control of their own lives.”[1] This is at the heart of the human development movement. If to “wipe out slavery” we need to pursue the very same goals as the human development movement, it seems that cooperation is a logical next step. This cooperation needs to take place at every level. International organizations, national governments, anti-slavery and development NGOs must each find ways to integrate these two goals.

        Every step forward in human development today not only affects existing vulnerable populations, but it also has the potential to benefit generations to come. More economic and educational opportunities today may lead to even greater stability and thus greater opportunity tomorrow. In this way, development combined with anti-slavery efforts does in fact become a foundation of freedom, not only for today, but for future generations.

       It must be restated that the anti-slavery and development integration approach is not a guaranteed universal remedy for contemporary slavery. First of all, it needs to be tried and tested in various situations around the world. Both success stories and failures must be shared and discussed. Secondly, anti-slavery must not renounce other approaches. Because the development approach will not be a cure-all, other methods must continue being used. As varied and complex as contemporary slavery is, so must the fight against it be. Different methods will be needed to fight different forms of slavery. Without question, it will prove to be a difficult fight, but it is one well worth fighting.

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[1] Bales, Disposable People, p. 235 (emphasis added).

 

Staying.

I broke the news that I’m planning to stay in England for a bit longer on Twitter yesterday morning.  I don’t think anyone was shocked by that revelation, but I didn’t come the decision easily. Here’s how it happened:

For months now, lots of months, my plan was to apply for (and hopefully get) an internship with an anti-slavery organization this fall. That seemed to me to be the natural progression. Master’s degree, then internship, then job… So, I applied, had a couple of interviews with the very cool organization, Falling Whistles, and then I realized just exactly what was happening…

Getting that internship would mean leaving Hull. In mid-August. Moving to either LA or DC. Starting a 40-hour -week internship. AND trying to finish my dissertation, which isn’t actually due until the end of September. I had a feeling these were going to be two of the worst months of my life. Leaving a city, country, and people that I love…..trying to do what I’m passionate about, but completely overwhelmed both emotionally and academically/professionally…..I was terrified.

But I felt like that was what I was supposed to do. Then, dad said something that rocked my world, “You can stay in Hull if you want to.” It was as if that had never crossed my mind. Once it did, I had a LOT to process. Over the next week or so, I thought and I prayed and I wrote out all the pros and cons and I prayed some more. God didn’t give me the instant, unmistakable sign I wanted, but here’s what he did give me:

• At church, we started a series on Moses. On the first Sunday, Andy Farqs spoke on Moses’ early life. He said, “Before God wants to do great things through you, God wants to do great things in you.” The next Sunday, John Clarke continued the story. Moses was passionate about the plight of the Hebrews, an enslaved people (correlation, much?). But the time wasn’t right for him to do anything about it. Not for 40 years. And John said this and it hit me pretty hard, “We must never short cut the preparation stage.”
• A man on the bus started talking to me, asked the usual questions, and said, “When you finish, will you go back or stay here for a while?”  Of course I didn’t want to get into all the details, but what I said was as much to myself as it was to him:  “Well, I really like it here, and my visa lets me stay in the country for a while, so I’d like to stay as long as I can.”
• Gwyn prayed for me. And when she prayed, she told me she got a picture of an oasis, an oasis that’s always been there but I’ve ignored. And I thought, “Maybe Hull’s the oasis. The place I feel happy and refreshed. The place I thought I had to leave.”
• I emailed my nearest and dearest, people who know me, people who will tell me the truth, people who I won’t see now for another few months, and mom, dad, TJ, AND Emily all said, in their own ways, “Of course you should stay if you can!”

Circumstances. The Word. Other people. It all sort of fell into place. I emailed Falling Whistles and told them the truth… “not the right time….would love to reapply for the Spring internship….will be there if you need me…” They sent a vague response, and I kept asking the Lord for a clear sign.

Tuesday morning, I woke up, checked my email, and there it was. I hadn’t been accepted as an intern. (How’s that for a sign?) I’ve never been so relieved to be rejected. Maybe it was because of the email I sent. Maybe I wasn’t going to be accepted anyway. I’ll never know. But whatever the reason, it means I’m free to stay in Hull, focus on finishing my dissertation, enjoy England some more, and I’m very, very happy about it.

All of the pictures above are reasons why I’m glad to stay. Here are a few more:

This guy!

Obviously, this.

These people.

Living in the same country as this one!

We don't get this in America, do we?

This being only 2.5 hours away.

My street (even though it’s long).

Things like this outside my door.

Football.

Town around sunset/taking pictures of the Maritime Museum from every possible angle.

The marina.

Train stations and waiting a little longer…

Kick the Habit.

A few weeks ago, my fairy blog-mother, Heather Shugarman, introduced me (via Twitter) to Gracie Gordon and the organization she works with,  Freely Be.

When Heather made the introduction, she said, “I think your hearts will blend tremendously.” And she was right.  Freely Be is super cool and brand new. They’re “an organization with a passion for freedom. [Their] cause: to partner with and promote already-existing organizations.”  I love them already, right?! No one is shocked by this! (I mean, if you know me, you know how I feel about freedom.)

One of their first projects is “Kick the Habit, ” and I’m getting involved. Here’s what it is:

Before you can change the world, you need to be able change your own. To share freedom, one must be free themselves. In an effort to bring that freedom, we are launching a fun FREEDOM rally- Kick the Habit.

Is there something in your life that just isn’t good for you? Addicted to smoking? Spending too much on cocktails? Taking cabs when you could be walking? Can’t stop the urge to shop? Loving being a foodie, but not eating healthy?

Then its time to kick the habit!

From August 1-31 we want to hear your stories and challenge you for the month to improve YOU!

Now, if I’m honest, I have lots of bad habits to choose from. The one I’m focusing on?

Wasting time online.

Since I live abroad, Facebook, Twitter, and email are my primary means of keeping in touch with friends and family, and I don’t intend to cut back on that! The problem is that I spend a LOAD of time online doing things that serve no purpose whatsoever:  looking at photography websites, YouTube, reading unimportant blogs and articles, browsing Tumblr, window shopping at Etsy…you get the picture. And since this month’s primary objective is my dissertation, the extra time is much needed! So, my goal is to limit online time to the important things and cut out the unnecessary. In other words, I’m going to take every click captive. (See what I did there?)

If you want to get involved, check out the Freely Be Kick the Habit page here: http://freelyblog.org/kickthehabit/

Also, give them a follow on Twitter so you can find out about all their upcoming projects: http://twitter.com/FreelyBe

And if you want to check out which habit Heather is kicking, you can see her blog here: http://www.thenheathersaid.com/2011/07/26/kick-the-habit/

Summer School.

For the last two weeks, I’ve been involved in Hull Vineyard‘s Summer School. Because I needed to be working on internship applications and dissertation work, I was only involved part-time, but the time I was there was incredible. (I mean, seriously, it was fantastic.) John, our assistant pastor, was in charge, and just shy of 20 students took part.  There was teaching and Bible study in the morning and outreach activities in the afternoon.

Yesterday afternoon, we split up into small groups to talk about our highlights and pray for one another. Everyone in our group said something about the fellowship and community we had with each other. Spending time with other believers was refreshing and wonderful, and just getting to know people better and build relationships was brilliant.

The other highlight that I mentioned was some of the teaching we got from John on the Holy Spirit. Expanding my understanding of who the Holy Spirit is, and how he works, and what he does, was so good for my soul. As John taught on the Holy Spirit during our last teaching session yesterday morning, he talked about the two things that hinder the Spirit from doing his work. One is immorality, and the other is when we try to take or keep control. That second one hit me pretty hard. I have this tendency to think of what would be good, or what should be done, and then try to make it happen, rather than really relying on the Lord. In our prayer time after John’s teaching, I asked God to help me let go, to help me trust him completely. And he gave me wonderful reassurance that he was in control, and he would provide, and it would be right.

I believe that. I do. But it absolutely terrifies me.

As I get closer to the end of my Master’s program, I get questioned more and more often about what’s next. And I don’t know. Hopefully an internship…but I don’t know where or when. And then comes the thought of leaving Hull, which is particularly painful. Dave and Pete keep saying I’ll stay in Hull, and a big part of me wishes they were right. There are things (people mostly) that make  me wish I could stay here for quite a lot longer.

It’s times like these that I find I’m incredibly annoyed that it’s not my decision to make. And then I realize that I don’t really know what’s best for me, because I can’t see the big picture. But the one who’s in control, the one who makes the decisions, he does know. And what he wants for my life is far better than any plan I could come up with on my own.

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Coming home tonight, after another day with my church family, I sat on my bed, and listened to a version of “In Christ Alone” by Adam Young (of Owl City). Though I’ve heard that song a hundred times, it moved me more than usual. And then it came to a line that said, “Jesus commands my destiny.“

And that might be the most heart-wrenching, scary, wonderful, beautiful reality I know of.

From life’s first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny

Hero. [Happy Birthday, Rob Morris.]

Heroes: David, Yousuf, Kevin, Anis, Charles, Lindsay, Jon, Thomas, Ansel. (Photos by other people, except for the one of Lindsay.)

We’ve all got heroes, right? Those people whose work inspires us and makes us want to be better in the various arenas of life.

My (notably incomplete) list looks like this:

• Clarkson and Wilberforce.
• David.
• Jon Acuff.
• Kevin Bales.
• Lindsay Terrell.
• Anis Mojgani.
• Ansel Adams.
• Yousuf Karsh.
• Charles Spurgeon.

Rob Morris is rapidly working his way on to that list. Rob is the president and co-founder of the anti-slavery organization, Love146. The work that he does through that organization is enough to make him a hero, but that’s not what affects me most.

When I started following him on Twitter last year, I had it in my mind that he was maybe around the 30-year-old mark. Not more than 32, surely. Everything from his profile picture to his passionate and hopeful attitude towards life just yelled youth. After a while, I noticed he kept tweeting things about his family…his big family…and his six kids…and his daughter who was a college grad…and then I got very confused. “But how?! He’s so young. Wait….I don’t know how old he is.”

Today, Rob is 49 years old. And still, he tweets with enthusiastic optimism and with unbridled hope and passion for what he does. I know not all middle-agers are hardened and cold and cynical, but it seems like few face the world with the kind of hopeful abandon that Rob seems to live in everyday. And that’s how I want to live today and tomorrow and everyday until I’m 49 and (Lord-willing) beyond.

Check out Rob’s blog here:  http://love146.org/blogs/rob-morris

Osama.

Monday morning. May 2, 2011. Woke up. Rolled over. Stared at the ceiling for a bit. Woke up a little more. Grabbed my phone. Five new messages. “Hmm. That’s a lot.” Tap.

ChrisColfer:  I was wondering why my White House tour was canceled today….

“Ooooh, what’s going on?” Swipe.

OfficialLaurtra: Nervously anticipating the revenge that will be taken over Osama’s death… Sadly, I don’t think this is the end.

“Huh? Wha? Osama’s dead?” Swipe.

mattpalmer27: Glad justice was done. Proud of and thankful for American soldiers. Yet, finding it hard to rejoice in a man going to Hell.

“Whoa.”

I laid down again, but curiosity got the better of me. I spent the next hour and a half in bed, Mac on lap, clicking “see more Tweets” until I got back before news broke, just reading reactions. Here are the ones I found most interesting:

• derekwebb:  don’t celebrate death, celebrate justice
• evanwickham:  Sobered by this about  20 mins ago: “Rejoice not when thine enemy falleth, and let not thine heart be glad when he is overthrown.” Prov 24:17
• EIKNARF:  10 years, 2 wars, 919,967 deaths, and $1,188,263,000,000 later, we managed to kill one person. I hope it was worth it…
• loswhit:  “2000 yrs ago, there was a murderer and terrorist named Saul. I sure am glad he didn’t get capped before he wrote half the Bible.”
• AmandaStratton: The girl married her Prince. The bad guy is dead. It’s a real Disney weekend here on Earth.
• S_K_Patterson:  Today, all true peace-loving Muslims feel the same way all smart blacks felt when “Flava of Love” got cancelled. #binladen

New York Times Photo

Other thoughts as I browsed:

• “Where did they get all those American flags? Do people just have extras at home in case they need to celebrate in the streets at any given moment?”
• “I should buy a newspaper today for my collection.”
• “Interesting that the same weekend Britain gets out and celebrates because someone’s getting married, America gets out and celebrates because someone is dead.”
• “I wonder if there are any street celebrators in Pineville/Alexandria. That’d be fun to photograph.”

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a sucker for a crowd, especially a crowd that shouts in unison and breaks out into song.  But in the end, I’m left not really understanding how I feel or how I should feel or whether it even matters how I do and/or should feel.

So, I quit thinking about it and just watched this:

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Afternoon Update:

As the day has progressed, I’ve had more time to mull over things. I haven’t had any revolutionary breakthroughs, but I think the following comments from my Facebook wall pretty much sum it up:

David Barnes:  Very interesting thoughts, I agree with most of what you said. I’m not sure how to feel, or if I should feel anything at all. For as tragic as many actions of the last decade have been, I think it’s naive to assume a) that it was all because of Osama and b) that anything will change. Even more the strong patriotism worries me a bit, this should be a global issue not a “USA #1″ kind of thing.

Me: I’ve realized as a student of history that strong patriotism is a dangerous force. Beyond that, I’ve also learned that the real effects of events such as these won’t be realized for years to come, so it’s possible that our celebrations premature

D. B.: Indeed. I certainly love the United States and it is my home and I always want the best for it. That doesn’t mean I think it is better than other countries, however. In fact, I think the true patriot will be willing to point out the flaws in their own system.

Me: Ditto.

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Fascinating:

This guy, Sohaib Athar (aka @ReallyVirtual), live tweeted last night’s events in Abbottabad, without a clue what was going on.